My name is Danny and I’m not an alcoholic.

Here’s a note I wrote in my journal during the days I covered in my new book, A Kiss B4UGo, about wishing I could be a drunk so I could share in the kinship of  recovery. These words never made it into the book. Probably just as well as they are a bit nutty.

This page never made it into my new book.

I have become very attracted to AA recently, though I dont drink enough to qualify for membership. When I attended a meeting with T____ in LA, I discovered the power of kinship, shared suffering and resolve, of having a step-by-step guide to overcoming a lifechanging obstacle. The peace recovering alcoholics seem to find in honestly sharing their stories and admitting their shortcomings was very inspiring. They accept each other as they are, know how deeply they have failed and sharing their common experience to support each other. The daily attendance, the community of broken toys, is something I wish I had.

T_____’s meeting was just men and I realized how rare that is, for men to be together and share of themselves, not just doing (watching sports, camping, working on cars, drinking) but being open and frank. It’s so rare to get advice and example from men like that. In a business context, people must be guarded and in any other context they are just drawn together by a single common interest and are less likely to share. As I get older, I share more and more with my friends as women do but it was moving to be in a room with 200 men all just laying it out there without reserve or competition.

I have tried to get to similar meetings here but most seem closed to people who aren’t actually alcoholics. I’ll have to keep drinking alone.